Thursday, November 26, 2009

"I Can't Come Up With a Story... Oh, I Know! Let's Put a Killer Fish In Our Movie!"

The sub-genre of horror film known as the "creature feature" has had a good run in the history of film making. "Creature feature"s were really the first horror movies ("Them!", "The Creature from the Black Lagoon," and one could argue that the old Universal horror flicks such as "Wolfman" and "Frankenstein" could be categorized as "creature features").

When Hollywood decides to go back to the humble beginnings of horror, they usually choose to revive the "creature feature." Consequently, this means that audiences will have to sit through an hour and a half of giant mosquitoes sucking the life out of victims or a giant alligator eating hobos in the sewer. Hollywood loves "creature features" because it banks on the viewer's lust of blood and awkward-looking puppet trying to be a scary monster (I admit, I do enjoy these movies).

Most "creature features" follow the same story line: There is a signal coming from outer space, a couple of people go around telling the authorities, but no one believes them, and then the creatures attack. It's either that or some random animal has been mutated by some ooze in the swamp. They don't veer too far from those lines.

You're probably wondering what my point is, well, has mentioned that there is a remake of "Piranha" happening... yes... "Piranha" (in 3-D I might add). "PIRANHA"!!! IN 3-D!!! Are you kidding? You might as well make a movie called "Guppy" and have it eat peoples' faces off while it flops around gasping for air, at least it would be funny. Of course Hollywood's going to try to make "Piranha" a serious horror film, and that's just WRONG!

Why does Hollywood always choose to sacrifice plot for silly and odd rubber puppets that do a horrible "acting" job? Don't get me wrong, funny-looking rubber puppets trying to be a dinosaur that flails intestines around definitely has its place--but it doesn't deserve a big budget. Keep the blood-soaked, wacky B movie antics in the "low budget box" where they belong ("Carnosaur," and "Mosquito"). These movies have a charm all their own, and I actually suggest you check them out if you're into cheesy B horror.

Check out the articles about the "Piranha" remake.
For a good time, watch this clip from Roger Corman's "Carnosaur 2"... enjoy!


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